I’m going to ask “How are you” and you better be specific when answering

People are always asking, “How are you?” Or “How’s it going?” But the answer is always the same. Why even ask? It’s always, “I’m fine.” But what does that even mean?

To answer this question, I’ve gone to the most wise, most reliable, and most helpful person I know.

Ok so it’s not a person it’s google.

Some people say fine when they’re not fine. At least, they may not be fine in the traditional sense of the word.

Hey google, define fine.

Saying define fine is weird. It’s like you’re echoing yourself.

Define fine fine fine fine.

You should try it it’s actually cool.

I’ll wait.

You done? It’s cool, right?

Oh. It’s just fine?

BUT WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN???

Definitions of fine: (This is not plagerism because I’m going to tell you I got the definitions from google.) (I got the definitions from google.)

• of high quality.”this was a fine piece of filmmaking”

“How are you Joe?”

“I’m of high quality! Thanks for asking.”

I would go look up the different definitions of quality but that might just open a can of worms.

• used to express one’s agreement with or acquiescence to something.”anything you want is fine by me, Linda”

“How are you Joe?”

“I’m fine with anything you are going to do. I am expressing my agreement.”

“That didn’t answer my question…”

• (of the weather) bright and clear.”it was another fine winter day”

“How are you Joe?”

“I am bright and clear. If I were weather, I would not be clouds. I would be a big blue sky with a gentle breeze and a temperature of about 59 degrees. The children would be playing in me. I don’t know if that would be painful or not. Maybe that would make me angry so I would use my lightning weather powers to shock and kill the children.”

Joe’s friend slowly slinks away to call the police.

• of imposing and dignified appearance or size.”a very fine Elizabethan mansion”

“How are you Joe?”

“I am very imposing so FEAR ME!! MWAHAHAHAHAH!”

• (of speech or writing) sounding impressive and grand but ultimately insincere.”fine words seemed to produce few practical benefits”

“How are you Joe?”

“I am insincere, but I sound impressive. If I gave you a compliment, it would be fake. I wouldn’t mean it. Just wanted to tell you now.”

“Wait, so when you said you liked my hair?”

“I was being insincere. Your hair looks stupid. If you blended a groundhog and spread the groundhog butter onto a sock filled with dead mice and then threw up all over that because the process was so gross and then put it on your head, it would be an improvement.”

“Oh. Are you being insincere again?”

“Nope.”

• (of a thread, filament, or person’s hair) thin.”I have always had fine and dry hair”

“How are you Joe?”

“I’m skinny!”

• (of a point) sharp.”I sharpened the leads to a fine point”

“How are you Joe?”

“I’m pointy!”

• clarify (beer or wine) by causing the precipitation of sediment during production.

“How are you Joe?”

“I’m beer.”

• (of something abstract) subtle and therefore perceived only with difficulty and care.”there is a fine distinction between misrepresenting the truth and lying”

“How are you Joe?”

“I would try to explain the answer to your question, but it’s too subtle and abstract for you to understand.”

“Oh okay.”

“Because you’re an idiot.”

My point is, saying “I’m fine.” has a lot of different meanings. You’re probably better off just saying how you actually feel.

And also, Joe is a jerk! That would suck to be his friend.

Oh, hey! It’s one of Joe’s friends.

“Hey Joe’s friend! What’s it like being friends with the jerk that we call Joe.”

“It’s fine.”

😐