Here’s a sentence you’ve never heard before

Now that was not the new sentence. In fact, you probably get that a lot. There are over a million words in the English language, and billions of ways to combine them. You probably hear new sentences all the time. Now, you may be expecting this new sentence being something about mutant potato ducks picking the flesh off my rotting bones.

No.

You probably have never heard that sentence. The duck one. But that’s not what I wanted to tell you. The sentence I wanted to tell you is real. Are you ready?

My brother decided to join marching band, so I cried myself to sleep.

That’s it. If you have heard that sentence before, I would be very interested in meeting the other person who said it.

Anyway, while crying, I had time to ponder and such. Falling asleep tends to take longer when you have wet saltiness sliding down your face. So that gave me extra time for the pondering. And as I was pondering, I realized that it all felt familiar. I came to this conclusion:

Band makes me cry.

Now if you’re a band student, please take some slow, calming breaths. I am not attacking you. I’m not trying to offend you. You don’t make me cry, band does. And I have evidence.

My Evidence

• I cried when choosing an instrument
• when preparing for my 8th grade band audition
• after failing my audition
• after being put in the lowest 8th grade band
• after finding out that said 8th grade band was actually filled with 7th graders
• after getting put in the lowest high school band
• after quitting band*

*those were tears of relief/ joy

If you’re judging me, just chill out. You probably would have cried too. Band does that to a person.

Anyway, thank you for reading this. If you’re an angry band student right now, feel free to defend band in the comments. Just don’t make fun of me. You might make me cry.