Arena scheduling

This is dedicated to all the sophomores who did not survive the arena this week. May they Rest In Peace.

In the building of administration, in the massive office of the main administrator, the administrators were having a meeting.

“Alright,” said the main administrator, who happened to be named Mr. Administrator, “From now on, the school lunch will only serve gluten-free, whole wheat, sugar-free, yet still un-nutritious desserts!”

The room exploded in clapping and cheering. Mr. Administrator waited for the clapping to die down, a smug grin on his face.

“So,” he said once the room had quieted, “What’s the next thing on the agenda?”

His secretary looked at her clipboard and straightened her glasses. “Let’s see… how to schedule all the high schoolers for classes in the most efficient way for us and the most painful way for them.”

Mr. Administrator cackled and looked around the table. He was at the head, of course. “Any ideas?”

A man with shiny, black hair raised his hand. “We could assign classes randomly. It would be pretty painful to the students to have multiple math classes, and none of the electives they wanted.”

Mr. Administrator thought about it. “Yes, but it will be very inconvenient to deal with all the upset students.”

Another administrator raised her hand. “We could convert the football stadium into a Colosseum,” she said, “and the students can fight each other to the death for a schedule. The survivors get the classes they want.”

“The concept is perfect,” said Mr. Administrator, “and I love the idea of having less students to deal with, and dying is very painful, but there’s the law we have to worry about.”

A groan spread through the room. Everyone there hated the law. It prevented them from doing fun things like having the students kill each other.

“Yes, the law,” continued Mr. Administrator, “But I think there might be a legal, non-fatal way to do this that will be just as fun!”

And so, Arena Scheduling was born.