A kiss

You ask me to tell you the story of my first kiss.

I wish I could say no.

I wish I could tell you the story is too private. An empty doorstep after a date. Just me and him.

I wish I could tell you that the moment was to perfect to ever try to recreate. That no words could do it justice, that it was never meant to be said, just experienced.

I wish I could tell you that I enjoyed it.

But I can’t.

And I might as well tell you, because everyone else knows the story anyway.

We were on a bus, coming home from school. He sat in the back, I was in the middle of the bus.

Truth or Dare, they asked him

He picked Dare.

Alright, his friends said, what should we do. What could we dare him to do.

I was reading a book, far away from the group. They could’ve picked any other girl. There were so many other girls.

But for some reason, one of his friends noticed me.

I didn’t pay attention when they started chanting. It was something that happened a lot on junior high buses.

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

People started pushing me around, teasing me. I still didn’t know what was happening.

He walked down the isle and sat on the seat across from me.

I didn’t even know his name.

You have to kiss him, his friends said.

No! I said.

Its a dare, the onlookers said, you have to.

You have to.

No, I said.

I tried to resist when he grabbed my face. The kiss was much longer than necessary, with me squirming the entire time. Those lips pressed against mine had never said a single word to me. Around us, everyone cheered and laughed. They pretended this was a happy moment, a funny moment.

I finally broke free and turned away. He walked back down the isle, joking with his friends, and never once looking at me. Never apologizing to the girl he humiliated. The girl he kissed after she said no.

I told you it wasn’t private.

I told you it wasn’t anything close to perfect.

And I definitely didn’t enjoy it.

I never learned his name. He never knew mine. I was just another of the dozens of girls he’d kissed.

I wish you hadn’t asked, but I don’t blame you. First kisses are usually happy stories, or funny stories.

Maybe the second kiss will be better.