An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away

BTW ShaeLyn wrote a post that helped inspire this so go read that too –> https://b3li3v3it0rn0t.wordpress.com/2020/04/03/apples/

This will make sense without reading it, but still. I’m sure you have the time.

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When I was little, I was scared of werewolves. They terrified me. And the one part in the 3rd Harry potter movie where everyone’s chained together and one of the guys turned into a werewolf…

Lets just say I didn’t sleep well that night.

But our parents tell us enough times that monsters aren’t real that eventually we realize that they’re just a figment of our imagination.

Or so we think.

What if all the monsters are just biding their time? Waiting for a generation that is completely unprepared? It has already started happening.

For example.

Most people don’t have pitchforks and torches at the ready. Those are the primary tools to chase a monster out of your village. If you have a pitchfork please speak up because that is actually awesome. I have a rake, but the monsters aren’t scared of those.

Fresh garlic is less common in a household kitchen. Plenty of people have fresh garlic, but garlic seasoning is generally more convenient for cooking. And garlic powder significantly less effective to use on vampires. I am thoroughly convinced that the inventor of garlic powders, garlic salts and other garlic seasonings, was a vampire trying to weaken future generations.

And utensils. At parties, people often bring plastic utensils. But what if a werewolf were to come in the middle of your party??? The entire room would be defenseless!

Luckily, apples are still very common in America.

That’s right, apples.

Now, many people, probably most people, don’t believe in vampires, witches, ghosts, werewolves or zombies. But there is one thing you cannot deny.

Doctors are real.

Even if all these other creatures are fake, doctors are definitely real. I’m sure you’ve met one. Or maybe multiple. You may not think they are monsters, but here is my evidence.

They poke thinks in your ears and mouth.

They stick needles into you.

They cut you up and pull things out of you.

They still may not seem like monsters. I had a hard time believing it myself. They give you stickers and cartoon band-aids if you don’t cry when you get a shot. Or if you do cry. So they earn you trust by giving you a sticker no matter what. Some doctors even give you a sucker, or a mint. The list is endless. But this is all an act. They just want you to trust them. Next time you have a doctor’s appointment, be on your guard. And bring an apple just in case.

If one of your parents is a doctor, I’m sorry. You may consider spreading apple juice all over yourself every night so they don’t come cut out your appendix while you’re sleeping.

Doctors have a habit of cutting out everyone’s appendix. I think this is a sign that, in reality, the appendix is actually one of your most vital organs. If you still have your appendix, I would recommend protecting it with your life. Maybe it repels monsters or something. Doctors definitely wouldn’t want you with that.

You may have heard the saying, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” Especially if you read the title to this post. If you did, you’ve heard the saying.

People often think that this saying means “eating an apple a day will keep you healthy, so you won’t have to go see the doctor.” But I think our ancestors meant for this saying to mean something else. If understood correctly, this could save your life.

Just like vampires are repelled by garlic, doctors are repelled by apples.

I must admit I’ve never had the courage to ward off a doctor with an apple, but I can imagine that they would either hiss or scream while stumbling away from you as quickly as possible. Apple juice is also an effective deterrent, since it contains sugar as well as apples. Doctors are always telling kids to not eat too much candy. It probably repels them too, and that’s why they don’t want us eating it.

In conclusion, eat an apple a day. Keep those doctors away. Maybe consider adding apple juice to your pepper spray. Check under your bed for doctors before you go to sleep. And be careful out there.